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February 26, 2012
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Team Awesome - Reborn Leader :Fortress Wars Part2 by Bonaxor Team Awesome - Reborn Leader :Fortress Wars Part2 by Bonaxor
Team Awesome now on Tumblr [link]
Part one - [link]
Part two - enjoy
Part three - [link]

People that helped me a lot. :iconmikkeleb: :iconheart-0f-darkness:

Visit my site and plz read the Journal.

Any questions? Please send a note.

All characters belong to :iconfyre-flye: and Hasbro
Comic, idea and whole story is my.
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:iconaeleos:
Vision: again, great. You captured emotion really well here. I rate more on how well you conveyed your vision to the audience, if that makes sense.

Originality: again, very unique (referring to my last critique). Awesome concept overall.

Technique: Very nice, simple style. However, it seemed a tad bit sloppier than the first comic. Speech bubble outlines were the most notable. Backgrounds a bit bland. Still very good.
11th panel: The sisters' expressions are a little off. (I am comparing it to near-perfection in your other panels, though.)
12th panel: Perspective is a bit off. If Tia's chest is that much bigger than her flank, it would indicate a POV wherein Discord would be smaller in the background.
In panel 13, I personally would have diminished older Celestia's opacity. Oh wait, no I wouldn't have; because I can't draw :P
The only thing that really bothers me is Discord's eyes. They look dull.
Oh, and the fringe on the coats still looks weird.
And in the 10th panel you didn't draw Discord's horns. DON'T TRY TO HIDE BEHIND TEXT BUBBLES ;P

Impact: Gripping and awesome. Loved the humor in the first four panels. Awesome moral incorporation.

Overall: This part of the series is what carried the first part. This is the reason I rated part one so highly. Here lies emotion and punch of your interesting storyline.
Onward to part 3!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
9 out of 11 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconask-tuskless-axew:
Ask-Tuskless-Axew Featured By Owner Jun 9, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Dat snowball dough XD
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:iconenmar123:
Enmar123 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012
dat's an epic snowball o.o!
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:iconanzul:
anzul Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Student General Artist
huh... that was unexpected... XD
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:iconcajobif:
cajobif Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
The cuteness continues.
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:iconcaustizer:
Caustizer Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
The moral of this strip of comics is pretty good. It makes sense that Fausticorn would create a dream to teach Celestia an important lesson about leadership, but I do wonder why Luna is exempt from it. Since she is technically a princess too, wouldn't she be in charge if something ever happened to Celestia?

Dream telling us its a dream kind of spoils the ending a little bit, since we know that Discord isn't really making trouble he's just trying to force the right response out of Celestia. Now if we didn't find that out until near the end of the strip... it would have made a better twist :)
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:iconbonaxor:
Bonaxor Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
You may be right about everything here.
About that thing with Dream telling so soon about whole thing. I was afraid that people will start telling that I somehow dont like Tia and I want to see her suffering. So I done it earlier to show that i do not intend to "hurt" Tia. I know it should be later in comic but...
And this thing with Celestia And Luna. Im looking at MLP show and there Celestia is alone as ruler of Equestria for 1000 years( so she had to be somehow ready for such responsibility). Luna dont have such opportunity to show us what princess she is.
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:iconcaustizer:
Caustizer Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
As a general rule I don't comment on a comic strip or chapter of a story until I have read the whole thing, and I believe it is okay for you as the writer to expect the same of your readers. In order for there to be a good story some characters have to suffer so those that gather from this that you are trying to hurt Celestia because you don't like her would be in the minority.

I once read a very well drawn comic strip done by a guy who hated a certain character that I loved. Needless to say she didn't exactly get the sendoff she deserved (imagine Luna being eaten by an Ursa Major or Dragon in the first three frames >_<)
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:icondarthmaul22:
Darthmaul22 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
Also, if I may ask, could you turn panel four into a background with no speech bubbles? Thanks.
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:iconbonaxor:
Bonaxor Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Ehh I dont understand this panel thingy. Just tell me which pic is it.
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:icondarthmaul22:
Darthmaul22 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
Why does the whole concept remind me of Inception? At least, the dream part does.
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