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Team Awesome - Reborn Leader :Fortress Wars Part 1 by Bonaxor Team Awesome - Reborn Leader :Fortress Wars Part 1 by Bonaxor
Team Awesome now on Tumblr. [link]
Part one - Enjoy ^^
Part two - [link]
Part three - [link]

People that helped me a lot. :iconmikkeleb: :iconheart-0f-darkness:

Visit my site and plz read the Journal.

Any questions? Please send a note.

All characters belong to :iconfyre-flye: and Hasbro
Comic, idea and whole story is my.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconghost3400:
Good comic, but you should stop yourself from using the word"cuz." It's unprofessional. It's a good comic, has a lot of potential, and I look forward to seeing your next comics, and honestly, you make A LOT of spelling and grammatical errors. I can tell that English is not your first language, but I recommend that you do some proofreading before you post it. It's a good comic with good potential. I love the drawings and how everything looks, like in the 9th panel how the snowballs change facial expressions. You've got great potential, and you should try your best to let it all out.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
12 out of 16 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconaeleos:
Vision: as a whole, this series is well-thought out. Great twist in part two. I feel like you are conveying exactly what you mean to. I subtracted a star for two reasons:
I did not realize (until reading your journal) that the character in panel 1 was your avatar. Making a fourth comic, even if it were only one image with 20 text bubbles, would really clear this up.
Also, it took a re-reading to truly understand what was happening in each scene and the emotional nuances to accompany it. Maybe this is a style thing; I'm not quite sure.

Originality: very unique. Awesome concept overall, and the lessons the four learn like this are incredibly cute and interesting.

Technique: The drawing was very nice. Simple (in the style of the show) and vibrant. 4.5
After the transition from the 11th to the 12th panel on the right side, the viewer's eye is naturally drawn the panel in the middle where Luna runs off. That threw me a bit.
In the fifth-last panel, Dream is significantly larger than Luna. However, this changes in the last two panels.
The fringe on the coats looks sloppy.
The dialog is a bit awkward, but I'll let that slide as I was already mean enough in my comment below :D
In general, I think references are unprofessional, but these were pretty minor so it didn't affect the comic.

Impact: Again, this must be viewed as a series. On it's own it doesn't have the opportunity to shine. Together, it is great. I did like the humor and most of the facial expressions were spot-on.

Other comments:
In the 16th panel, what was that giant mech? Wasn't Dream in a snow fort?
Also, why was Celestia levitating her snowballs if she declared no magic?

Overall: this 3-parter gets :star::star::star::star::star-half: in my book.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
16 out of 16 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

:iconzachawee22:
zachawee22 Featured By Owner May 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
References: Mass Effect, Team Fortress 2, Star Wars

My day: Complete
Reply
:iconaxl711:
AXl711 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2012
Being the huge Star Wars junkie that I am, I am really loving the bit with the AT-AT!
Reply
:iconmre380:
MrE380 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Student Filmographer
Reminds me of a kid lol
Reply
:iconanzul:
anzul Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Student General Artist
lol, kid those days XD
Reply
:iconyoshiart24:
YoshiArt24 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2012  Student Digital Artist
wait,Luna?Tia?lol
Reply
:iconcajobif:
cajobif Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
YYYEEESSSSS!!!!!

I'm so happy you made a sequel. They are so adorable. Very cute comic.
Reply
:iconsgt-hawk-451:
Sgt-Hawk-451 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I like the TF2: Meet the soldier reference.
Reply
:iconkarkovice1:
karkovice1 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
I like the inclusion of the Imperial Walker in this strip. :)
Reply
:iconbron3y-r3volution:
BRON3Y-R3VOLUTION Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
found an inside joke. :P 9_6
Reply
:iconjongyon7192p:
jongyon7192p Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
YOU BROKE THE RULES!!! YOU BROKE. THE RULES. YOU BROKE THE RULES!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

(~UberHaxorNova)
Reply
:iconcaustizer:
Caustizer Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
I agree with a lot of what is being said in the critiques. Your designs continue to be visually attractive and barring a few minor errors the drawing is very consistant.

I think that adding so many outside references is not a terribly good idea, because it carries the focus away from the characters and in some ways takes up space that could be used for valuable character development. Including one every once and a while is not bad, but 2-3 in one comic is a tad overboard.

For the next series you should keep this in mind, as it will be a LOT easier for readers to get used to Dream if she has a unique personality.
Reply
:iconbb-k:
BB-K Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Lol, Meet the Soldier and then the AT-AT! :)
Reply
:icontharag:
Tharag Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
I'm still not jiving with the whole Luna and NNM as twins thing, but this comic series is still cute as ever.
Reply
:iconhalopony3:
HALOPONY3 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Student Digital Artist
ha awesome comic cant
wait to see more of it.
Reply
:iconraenboow:
RaenBoow Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Student Digital Artist
:iconclappingplz: Dacapo! :D I love how the snowballs in panel 9 also goes :ohnoes:
Reply
:iconmeriamfunland1999:
MeriamFunLand1999 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012  Student Filmographer
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWW
Reply
:iconelliotissokool:
elliotissokool Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2012
Heheh... 2fort. :P
Reply
:iconemperordaniel:
Emperordaniel Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
Imperial AT-AT walker in panel 16 ftw! :D
Reply
:iconcarback99:
carback99 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
2fort....FUCK THAT MAP
Reply
:iconmarcusfenix102:
marcusfenix102 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
:icongarrusplz::iconsaysplz:did someone say "calibrations"?
Reply
:iconstatoose:
statoose Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012   Digital Artist
CALIBRATIONS. :icongarrusplz:
Reply
:iconstatoose:
statoose Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012   Digital Artist
Aside from some typos and grammar mistakes, this looks like it will be fun. :D
Reply
:iconcygnusvismundcygnus:
CygnusVismundCygnus Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
Comic*
Reply
:iconcygnusvismundcygnus:
CygnusVismundCygnus Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
What a fantastic comment, but I was REALLY turned off by the grammatical errors in the very first panel. It's unacceptable for art of this quality :D.

Also, just a note, Lauren Faust doesn't own any of the ponies whatsoever.
Reply
:iconmattwo:
mattwo Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Also are they on hoth? :P
Reply
:iconmattwo:
mattwo Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Isn't Fortress Wars a different game than Team Fortress?

Just checking.
Reply
:iconjetpowerfie:
JetPowerFIE Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm just gonna sum it all up here....
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

I've been waitin' so long for this!

(Loved the walker! :stormtrooper:)
Reply
:iconaeleos:
Aeleos Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
You have a few grammar errors. I know you're Polish btw. Just trying to help :):

1st speech bubble: "why did you invite me here?"
3rd bubble: "It is the story of a little Alicorn that was meant to become a great leader" (unless, of course, this is happening while Celestia is still a child)
5: Exclamation point would add emotion here. (She broke her record!)
7: Comma before "Discord"
10: Comma before "Tia"
12: "resolve" should be "result"
13: This sounds particularly awkward. May I suggest: "I may know a bit more about fighting than you, little one, for I have read three books on the subject."
14: I don't quite understand what she means. She perfected fighting by reading about it?
16: "Yes, Private?"
24: Apostrophe in "Let's"
28: Semicolon after "ours"
29: Comma before "Tia." When addressing someone in English, there must always be a comma before and after their names. Example: "This comic is awesome, Bonaxor, and it looks like you spent a lot of time on it."
31: "I wanted to see Tia's face when you broke her rules."
32: No "a"
34: "Hot chocolate and cookies: your favorite!" (In English, hot chocolate milk is simply called "hot chocolate.")
36: No space in "snowball"
40: "The team that breaks it loses the game."

I will be correcting the other two shortly as well as critiquing all of them. This post is purely grammar. Again, let me say that I really enjoy this series. :) If you would like a proofreader I would be glad to read your comics before publication :D
Reply
:iconcheif15:
cheif15 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
Lol loves the little soldier bit yeah I get it's a whole TF2 comic, but still nice little quote.
Reply
:icongrenadierss:
GrenadierSS Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
He he Imperial tanks.
Reply
:icondeltasquadproduction:
DeltaSquadProduction Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
SO MANY REFERENCES!! :faint:

:stormtrooper:
Reply
:icondaloer1030:
DAloer1030 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
"I am in the middle of some calibrations." Nice Mass Effect reference. Are you getting 3?
Reply
:iconbonaxor:
Bonaxor Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Yes. I want to stop Reapers. And finally end this trilogy.
Reply
:icongeneraldurandal:
GeneralDurandal Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
lolz
cute
Reply
:icon1vonreich123:
1vonreich123 Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconsoldierplz: UNLESS ITS A FARM!!!
Reply
:iconklice:
Klice Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
Nice :D
Reply
:icondraveneclipse:
DravenEclipse Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
I love Woona in this. She is way too adorable.
Reply
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